dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize