I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize