You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you made out with another girl for some wings
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
