Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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