Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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