Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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