I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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