wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
