If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
