Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
