Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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