ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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