I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
