no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
