Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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