nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
