found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
