You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
