It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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