This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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