whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
