It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
