I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
