i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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