The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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