Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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