Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So squirting runs in the family.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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