Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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