Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
