so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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