wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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