Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
