What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
