Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize