at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
