Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
