I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
