Kiss
Puke
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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