Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
sex in a hospital.. check
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
