the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
