Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize