He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
