your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
