Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
