I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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