GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
