we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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