he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
