yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
