I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
