life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
