Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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