so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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