Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
