I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize