I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
