I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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