well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
