well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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