how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
