o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
