I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Mom said you looked used
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
