Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
