she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize