i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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